"Bangkok Dangerous" (2008)

While this is breaking form, there's really no solution other than this: Burning the Cage candle at both ends; watching the old from Genesis, and watching the new as they emerge from the Future Soup of any infinite number of Cage possibilities (where, ultimately, there are still only 2: He either says It, or he does not).

So I saw it.

He does not say It.

My life is entirely unchanged for having seen it.

But I had the amazing opportunity to put some Cage-logic to the test.

In Bangkok Dangerous (the ONLY new film to be released for the September 5 weekend. What a man is Cage!), Nicholas Cage plays a hitman known only as "Joe." *Spoiler Alert* There is no titular line spoken by a Thai man in broken Engrish, and for that, I guess I am thankful (ahh yes Mistah Joe. Bangkok ah vewy dangowous). So it's still unclear as to why this movie is called "Bangkok Dangerous."

At one point in the film, Cage tells his employee-cum-understudy (gross, I know, but get your head out of the gutter), in a first display of trust (and breaking his own Assassin's Code), that "there's a beer in the 'fridge," and that a beer will help take down the swelling of a beating he just took.

Later that night, back on Earth 1, I saw a massive bar brawl at All-Star Lanes in Eagle Rock whilst singing the second half of Meatloaf's classic duet, "I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)." Bottles smashed on faces, hair-pulling, furniture throwning, meat-slapping sounds of human fists on human bodies. Someone supposedly pulled a gun. The cops showed up. And while waiting to clear out, I really wanted to go up to one of the 20-or-so victims and give them the always sound, yet perennially untrue advice of Master Cage, "there's a beer in the 'fridge. It'll help take the swelling down."

But I didn't. But I told Eric. And he laughed. And I laughed. What fun is this Life of Cage.

"Racing With the Moon" (1984)

"Religion's a little shaky."

And so it began. Not the movie, but the first of its quotes that caught my brain, and made me start paying attention. I kept forgetting that I was supposed to be watching Nicholas Cage, and found myself instead following the screen-chewing antics of a young Sean Penn (NOTE: This is the SECOND Cage/Penn - heh. they have synonames - film in a scant 5 years! how many more must perish? I only like him in The Sweet and Low Down).

Turns out it was nothing. A red herring. An elaborate rouse to make me think that this potentially heavy-hitting line had anything more to relate to Cage and "Understanding" than a tottering shelf in a coastal library.

I was beset on all sides with unerring woe. Darkness.

The movie plummets from there in a helix of faux-danger and douchebaggery. Weeks ago, I had more to say about the film specifically, but the Point remains: Not a single bit of Understanding came from this, but it begs a question:
As you well know, we're watching these movies, because I'm pretty sure Cage said, "I'm just trying to Understand!!" in a film of his. I can picture THAT Cage, and THAT quote like I can picture my own dear Mother. So, why watch all of these movies that clearly don't apply?

Simple.

I may have some sort of telepathic, or extra-sensory link with this Coppola-spawn, and I intend to explore it to its most final lengths, in the purist of empirical spirits. He may have said it MORE than once, or simply not said it yet. So, in response to Carol's more recent Field Report, we are committed.

But for the easily bored, feel free to skip ahead.

Field Report #4

September 1, 2008

While researching the next few films on the Cage plate, I discovered...

something fairly mind-numbing...

the fact that Nicolas Cage has not one, not two, BUT 10 new films coming out between 2009 and 2010. One year. 10 movies.

NOT INCLUDING BANCOCK DANGEROUS.

Which leads me to a question that begs deciding: In the event that not ONE "I'm just trying to understand!" is found in any of Cage OTHER 53 films, must we watch even his new releases? By doing this experiment, am I potentially dooming myself to watch EVERY Cage film, past-present-and-future?? The whole point was to know for certain, once and for all, if Cage ever SAID those fateful words. SAID.

but... once and FOR ALL... how could we sleep at night knowing he might say it in future films? He might be saying it RIGHT NOW in editing rooms just miles away.

What if he says it TWICE?!

Racing with the Moon (1984)

July something, 2008

Racing with the Moon (1984)
Dir. by Richard Benjamin

Nicolas Cage: Nicky/Bud


Josh and I watched this one a few weeks ago, and the summer has been a nasty speed bump in the way of more Cage-matches, let alone writing this blog. Josh claims to want to write the entry for this film, but I question his intention to ever actually do it.

Thus, I leave this entry to very near-future editing. Until then, let it be known...

"I'm Just Trying to Understand!" : 0.